Journals

Last few days suck. I spent time lying down in bed, checking e-mails, composing e-mails, replying to some incoming e-mails, editing my Friendster page, writing a poem. I have been not well physically emotionally. Every time I stared at my sad face in the mirror, I felt like being the most ugly and sad person of the week. Look at this messy hair, these dead beat sad eyes, black shade under the eyes, nothing left, only me with my downbeat self-reflection. I am now having a wide scratch and a big hole in my heart. And the stuff I hate most to see is my mobile phone, so that I put it under pillows and pretended that I forgot that it was there.

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Seven o’clock in the evening, it vibrated and I noticed an incoming call from a fixed phone number I did not recognize. I answered the phone, and guess what; that was from a guy I knew in 2004. Yeah, four years ago. I was surprised. We talked for about six minutes and he said he would call me back in the next ten minutes. I said ok, and waited for his next call.

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Suddenly mom knocked my door, and told me that I got someone waiting on the phone line. It was him. I thought he would give me a call to my mobile phone number, but he gave me a call to our home number. I asked him to make a call to my CDMA number, and he called me back. I asked him what’s up. I said that I was surprised and he said he got something reminds him of me. I asked what is that. And he said a phone payment slip. I laughed because I think he was just doing, you know… some kind of nonsense sweet talk. He asked me “how are you”, I said I am not really ok. I told him that I want to vomit frequently. I really wanted to say that I got also some emotional pains, but I thought it would sound too much information, so I remained to say I got something to do with gastric-acid.

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So we talked about school and family. Suddenly he said he wanted to come to my house. He said that he still remember how to get here. I said yeah why not, and he took not more than half an hour to get here. And when he was arrived, and opened up his helmet, I studied his face to re-call memory that had been blurred by time. And what was that, in his hand? He brought me black forest cake! What a very nice of him. I actually don’t know him very well. He is a friend of friend. It was just happened that way; a short conversation on the telephone, and that evening he was already there, standing in front me in such a an awkward way and said hi.

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We got an awkward silence at the beginning then he showed me something; the slip he mentioned before. I was surprised, I did not know that he was serious about he had said on the telephone. So I read the printout.

He said that it was one of some slips he kept. I was surprised. How couldn’t I remember that we ever had quite frequent phone conversations! That was very funny and I laughed. And that was my first laugh during the last two days.

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We had a sit on our uncomfortable bamboo chairs on the terrace, with many mosquitoes but that did not annoy us a lot. We talked about many things; music, the most current movie at cinemas (Kungfu Panda), each other’s past, school, my thesis, family, plants, SLR cameras, Friendster, silly SMS, cool places, and many other things for almost four hours. We had slices of his black-forest cake. I felt comfortable. Maybe that was because of the physiological effect brought by the chocolate, or maybe because I had someone to talk to in the last few days being nowhere but my room, or maybe because of both factors.

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When we were talking, I was thinking that the person who was supposed to be there with me is someone who is related to my sadness, not this guy. How ironic but I have to face the reality. Sometimes things are just unpredictable and far from what we expect. In that evening, when I felt like utterly down, I had someone surprising coming to my house out of the clear blue sky, telling that he still kept his phone bill slip from three years ago, and offering nothing but black-forest cake and a nice evening talk.