Journals

Friday 07 March 2008 was a holiday. I spent the day being an undead lazy bone. Listening to tranquil tracks of Fenomenon; Picturebook and Pacific Memories while lying down in bed, staring at my 13’ monitor, re-reading the e-mail, word by word, sentence by sentence, paragraph by paragraph. From the beginning to the end, and back again. How strong positive energy I felt, I could even feel the energy by just reading through this peaceful-atmospheric e-mail. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and listened to the beach wave. It brought me the most precious previous moment. In the down tempo trance, I questioned this within my heart; why do You create time?

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Mom came in sudden into my room. I was surprised, a bit. She said she had knocked my door. I just had to put my earphone off. She just wanted to check me out. Oh ok. What’s that in her hold, a glass of fresh avocado juice, and newspapers Kompas. Something grabbed my attention on page 26, “Irene: Juara di Ukraina”. I read the news in glaze. “Mom, this girl is a genius”. That brought us to further discussion about USSR people. I told her about someone I know. I said that I had strong feelings about the person, but distance seems to be the most significant handicap. Everything seems to be bloody impossible. She said everything possible, even on the most rare things. She turned the light off, and opened the curtains to let the sunshine coming in. She turned and said how many highbrows come from the White Bear country. And she left me hiding in my blanket showered by the sunshine. My eyes could not resist it. I closed my eyes and had something in my head; “Everything possible”, is that true?

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I was thinking of someone living in Luyberci, I like his “the-women-are-the-neck-and-the-men-are-the-eyes” theory that he said recently in his long e-mail. That is how he sees a marriage. For now, marriage is not my thing but I can saw wisdom growing in his young and alive eyes. I vaguely remembered one of chapter in the Holy Koran, ones (30/21-22) say about diversities on colours and languages, and how people with a sound knowledge are able to get the meaning of the creation on things in pair; days and nights, earth and sky, man and woman. Man and woman…
Does my life companion exist?

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I wore my earphone back. Beep beep, SMS coming in, first thing in the morning. It was from a guy I met at a friend’s birthday party. After the first meeting he bombarded me with text messages. An editor. He is working for Manga’s translation. Pretty cool but not my kind of thing. My eyes caught something that was more interesting; an article written in Kompas. It was written by a lecturer of the National Institute of Hindu Dharma, Denpasar, Bali. I read about Catur Beratha; Amati Lelungan (not going out from houses), Amati Karya (not working), Amati Lelanguan (not doing worldly things, referred to entertainment) and Amati Geni (not turning lights on). The writing has been somewhat touching a small part in my heart. It reminded me of a single stupid question I addressed to a Balinese I met on my previous business trip in Bali. I asked about Ngaben (a ceremony of death-body cremation). She said that one of reasons of why they do Ngaben is letting spirit in ease on reaching the Creature. Did she lie?

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I re-played ‘Flame’ by Crustation, and listened to it to the fullest. Every time I listen to the track, I think of unworldly things, Yoga, meditation, lucid dreams, beaches and the waves, sunset, voyages, spiritual traveling, companions, cosmic encounter, enigma. I closed the newspapers, and came up with a conclusion. I personally have been agreeing the concept of body cremation, far, very far before I addressed the said question to the Balinese. I want my death body burnt and my ash dispersed over the ocean. I had told my mother about this universal idea, but we always end up with a hard disagreement on each other. I whispered; Would You let my spirit traveling to see parts of the world that I had never seen before?

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Beep beep. My concentration was distracted again by a text message coming in. The SMS said, “Hi what are u up to?” It was from an old friend of mine. He is my senior who used to have a crush on me when we were in junior high school. A few messages had been exchanged, and I was no longer interested. My eyes caught an interesting image that has been stored in my phone inbox for a quite long time. I stared at an MMS sent by my Malaysian friend. He sent me a picture when he went to a place called Lang Tengah Island.

While I was thinking on how beautiful the white sand is, my phone rang. The monitor said a number I had not recognized. I answered the phone. It was from a guy I met in Kuta, Bali. A Balinese who is so perfectly fluent in speaking Japanese. Still fresh on my mind when me and my friend Aline were hanging out around 2am around Kuta beach, we met this guy and his friend who is a bit timid. We had a small talk at the beach and suddenly two funny Japanese guys coming our way and they talked something me and Aline did not understand. The first two guys and the Japanese were speaking in Japanese, teasing at each other, laughing. One of the Japanese tried to flirt me in their mother tongue, and the Balinese acted as my interpreter. Yeah that was something still fresh on my mind. I had a short and nice conversation with him on the telephone. We talked about Nyepi that was currently celebrated in Bali, a place called Bedugul, an amateur photographer I seek over there, and how we plan to see each other again next time possible. Nice.

Few hours later my phone rang again. The monitor said “Hot Greenhorn calling. Answer?” I was bit surprised that he called me up. I answered the phone, trying to sound warm and excited. Well, I think I know how to sound naturally. He said that he got a free talk time from the provider and also he wanted to hear me. Ahh ok. He asked what I was up to. I said I was listening to music. He came up with generic questions about school things and other things sound generic. We had several awkward silences. The call did not go successfully but not bad either. I stared at the monitor, trying to figure out the essence of the previous conversation and found nothing but a big zero.
Why do You send those people and trivia out to my life?

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“My dear Cheria, I hope this email finds you in good health and spirit, and hope and look forwards to our paths cross again” (quoted).
God, why do You arrange encounters?